I'm so sad. We're not going to Disney World or to Cape Town or anywhere. Mohamed has given us an option of 5 day trips. How bloody exciting. I'm sick and fed up of being the good wife. I do so much for him and his bloody mother/family and I get no damned appreciation at all. Hawa is a bloody whore and she gets no problems at all. She doesn't get to take the old cow on holiday, or take the old cow and her daughter out on her birthay (what a fikken treat) OR MOVE IN WITH THE OLD BITCH. I AM THE ONE TO PUT UP WITH ALL THIS, THAT'S MY REWARD FOR BEING GOOD. WELL, I'm sick and tired of it.

When will my needs be met? When will I get the things that I want? When do I get a chance to meet my needs instead of leaving them on the back burner all the time?

Lonely, lonely.....!!!!!

I feel so very alone...no one in the world truly understands me. I wish there was someone I could share my hopes, dreams and minor accomplishments with...someone who knew what a big deal it is to appear on the first page for Google for both my sites...someone who was proud of me for the small steps I'm taking each day toward accomplishing my goals....someone who would encourage me....who would think I was beautiful....who would encourage me to reach my full potential....who would think I'm special.....

Someone I have something in common with...someone who is interested in self-development.....

But I've made the trade....a father for my kids in exchange of love for me. Mohamed's OK, but he's not my true life partner. We don't share things or have anything in common. What hurts most of all are his constant put-downs and nasty comments, but I can't let that stop me.

I think I need to look at this as simply living in this house. This is the price I have to pay to 'buy ' the time to work on my dreams.